How to control anger

How to control anger

Anger can be triggered by a wide variety of things which will be different to each and every one of us.

Certain situations will limit our ability to control our anger such as being tired, having consumed too much alcohol or having had a stressful day at work.

If we can try to identify what angers us and avoid these triggers, then we should be able to control our anger more effectively.

If however you find yourself in a situation which makes you angry, try the following simple ways on how to control anger and lessen your stress.

Breathe deeply

Breathing deeply can help you clear your mind and see things from a calmer perspective. It will help slow down your heart rate and bring back a feeling of calm


Pick an image that makes you feel calm. Think back to a holiday when you were lying in the sun totally relaxed. Think of a favourite walk in the woods that you love. Think of listening to the sound of the rain whilst you are sat reading a book. Try to focus on that image to bring back a feeling of calm to your mind.

Count to 10 before you speak

Speaking in anger can exacerbate the situation, causing the other person to react in an adverse way towards you which in turn increases your anger. Try not to say anything at all until you have your anger under control. The simple act of counting to ten really can help.

Walk away

Following on from the above tip, walking away from a situation until you have calmed down can be the most sensible option. When you feel calm again you can then return and deal with the situation in a controlled manner.

Put things in perspective

So someone has cut you up in rush hour traffic. Does it really matter in the great scheme of things that you will be 20 seconds later at your arrival point? Someone has been rude to you and you feel insulted. Does it really matter what they think? Are you going to be seeing them on a regular basis and do you really value their opinion?

Always remember that there are far more important things going on in the world that you could spend your energy worrying about. There are children with life threatening illnesses and horrific wars going on. Don’t contribute to any more unnecessary anger in the world.

Think of the situation from the other person’s point of view

We find it all too easy to just focus on our own feelings. Try to think of it from the other person’s point of view. Did they simply misread a signal? If so, calmly and clearly explain that you are sorry if they saw it this way but that is how you saw it/meant it. Are they just having an incredibly bad day? Have they just come from a stressful meeting with their boss? Have they just discovered someone close to them ill? Most people don’t get angry for the sheer fun of it. There is always an underlying factor which will have contributed. So try to find out what that is to help both you and them deal with the situation.

Speak slowly and calmly in a soft tone

This will help the other person calm themselves also. If you shout, they are likely to shout louder. Softening your tone can help them come to their senses and lower their tone also. Just the tone of your voice can have a calming effect. Don’t rise to the bait. Stay in control.

Vent your anger

Find somewhere to go on your own and vent your anger in a controlled manner. This could be as simple as going for a hard run, going to the gym for a workout, using a pillow as a punch bag or going into the garage and having a good scream

Write it down

Vent your anger on a piece of paper. Write down what and who have made you angry and why. Write down your feelings. Let it all out. This can be a therapeutic way of getting everything out of your system and then being able to assess the situation logically.


So next time you feel your blood boiling, take a moment to stop and really consider if your anger is going to contribute to a successful solution to the situation you are in. Try the simple ways above on how to control anger and keep it under control. You will feel so much better in the long run if you do.