by Angela Taffs | Feb 25, 2015 | Personal and Lifestyle
Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people have on their deathbeds
Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for many years. What she found was that many people when questioned had the same regrets about life. A real eye opening article and worth some contemplation and consideration by us all.
Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
by Angela Taffs | Feb 17, 2015 | Personal and Lifestyle
The question for today is what have you always wanted to do but keep putting off? What journey to success would you like to take but haven’t started yet?
The 30 day challenge
How about you just go start on that journey today. A while ago I joined a 30 day challenge with John Williams of Screw Work, Let’s play fame to help me take my life forward. Although the course had it flaws, it ultimately turned out to just what I needed as it focused on doing something fun for 20 minutes per day that lets your mind turn to what you really enjoy. This then opens up all sorts of thoughts about where you want to be in your life. (This really is an incredibly simplistic view of the challenge I took but you get the idea).
When I was doing my 30 day challenge and completing doing something fund that I loved for 20 minutes each day, I discovered that everything always turned out to be based around coaching women and helping them fulfil their dreams – hence the The Small Business Kit being created.
What do you love doing?
I had always loved coaching and mentoring and had always wanted to work with women who needed help and support in starting up their own business. I wanted to run my own business providing this support in a way that was open and flexible to the needs of whomever I was working with but the timing had never been right. But then when would it have been? If I had waited for the perfect time, I would never have taken those first few steps into the unknown and never started up my own business. If I hadn’t done something about it back then, in 12 months’ time I would have still been sat there wishing I had done it years ago. I really needed to stop procrastinating.
I have recently revisited this challenge and today I have pledged (yes that was another part of the challenge – you had to promise to do something and publicly prove to the other ‘challengees’ that you had done it) that I am going to complete a life coaching course that I had investigated a long time ago.
I have decided I am going to stop procrastinating again. I am actually going to do it rather than just dream about it. So often my business advice leads me to meet other women who have something going on in their personal life that is blocking them from fulfilling their business dreams. I have always thought about incorporating life coaching into my business coaching so I really could achieve my dream of helping other women in all aspects of their life.
Keep a journal
So what have you always wanted to do? Start to keep a journal for 30 days and write down the things that you enjoy. Spend 20 minutes a day just focusing on doing something that you love. What pattern starts to emerge? What is it that you ultimately want to do with your life so that you achieve that unfulfilled ambition?
You may find that that you enjoy writing and decide you want to start to write a book. You may enjoy making something and decide to turn your hobby into a business selling your handicrafts or art. Perhaps you enjoy baking and find you want to start up a cake stand at your local market or to create and write a recipe book. Do you enjoy talking to people helping them with their problems and find you want to train as a counsellor?
Think what it is and then set yourself a deadline for putting a plan into action to achieve your ambition. Remember, every journey starts with the first step. But what an exciting journey it could turn out to be.
And let me know what you come up with. I may just check at your deadline date that you have done it……
I look forward to hearing from you.
Angie x
by Angela Taffs | Feb 13, 2015 | Business Success, Personal and Lifestyle
I am finding that more and more as I go about my day, I am met with a complete lack of manners, etiquette and far from adequate customer service skills. In fact, it is quite remarkable to visit somewhere and be met with all these traits as standard anymore
So where does my passion for good manners and social etiquette come from? That is not too difficult a question to answer when I stop and think about it.
It is from my father.
When my sister and I were younger, he was a stickler for manners. Here is an extract from the eulogy I read at my father’s funeral just over 3 years ago.
Dad was also a stickler for etiquette. He instilled into my sister and me how to behave and woe betide us if we stepped out of line. These teachings have proven to be invaluable to me through the years but one memory still makes me chuckle. I had just started dating Nick when Mum and Dad invited him to our home for Sunday lunch. Nick duly turned up, lunch was had and all seemed well. However, I knew Dad too well, and knew that underneath the surface something was not right. After Nick went home I soon found out what. Dad was furious that someone had entered our house to have lunch on a Sunday whilst wearing jeans!! A cardinal sin in his book. He forbade me to go out with a man who did not know how to dress. Thankfully, Dad soon forgave Nick and when, as some of you often do, you see Nick out in his waistcoat and tie for what seems like a very informal gathering, you now know why.
My father really did install manners and etiquette into us from not putting our elbows on the table, never starting a meal until everyone had been served, dressing correctly for the occasion, how to stand with shoulders back and head held up when meeting people and of course the list could go on.
Today, it seems that anything goes. Mobile phone calls are taken during meals, gentlemen do not stand to greet a lady, people push through doors without holding it open for others and foul language is used as the norm.
Yes, some of these thoughts may now be considered old fashioned and outdated but the knock on effect as I see it is a rapid decline in customer service from staff who have never learnt the basics of manners and who show a complete lack of respect to individuals considering spending money at their business premises.
So I am on a mission. A while ago I read today that Russell Brand was starting a revolution with regard the political parties and their lack of interest in the ‘normal’ people of this world.
My mission is to start a revolution with businesses to up their customer service standards and treat individuals who are spending their hard earned cash with a little more respect and to use some basic manners. As I go about my day, I shall be revealing my discoveries of the good, the bad and the ugly. We have food hygiene ratings in food establishments. Why not have customer service ratings?
If you have any stories you would like to share, please feel free to let me know.
by Angela Taffs | Jan 22, 2015 | Personal and Lifestyle, Running a Business
Do you struggle with keeping business and private lives separate?
Today I had a message from someone who wished for me to act as their mentor on a one to one basis. We were liaising via email and everything was going well until they sent me a request to befriend them on Facebook.
I have a Facebook business page and of course, also a personal profile. After they asked why I had not accepted them, I explained that I kept my business and private accounts separate but we could continue to communicate via email, LinkedIn messaging, telephone or Skype. Whilst I have nothing to hide on my personal page, I see no reason to let a business client have access to my private life and that of my friends and family.
After I refused to accept them as personal friend, the atmosphere turned. The individual insisted that if I wanted their business, a condition was that I had to accept them as a personal friend. Now, as this point I became suspicious of their intentions as there is no need whatsoever for anyone to need to be a friend of mine on Facebook in order to do business with me, and they could not explain their need to me.
After I had pointed this out in a very polite manner, and a few emails later, I decided to decline to work with them as, I tried to explain to them, when I work with clients, it is important to be able to communicate effectively with each other and have a mutual trust and respect which I now felt was lacking between us. I suspect this person had not ever been refused a service before as I was suddenly on the end of a vitriolic attack and warnings of how much money I would lose by refusing to work with them.
This reaction only made me more certain that my decision to keep my business and personal life separate was the correct one.
There can, at times, be a fine line between not wanting to offend a client but also needing to keep them somewhat at arm’s length and getting the balance right can be difficult, particularly in a service industry where personal communication is ongoing. I admit, I do have a few past clients who I now consider to be friends but this has come about over a period of time and mutual interests.
If keeping business and private lives separate is important to you also, then to overcome potential situations in the future, when you are dealing with clients, I think it is important to establish some boundaries at the outset and let clients know which channels are acceptable for contact and during which times of day.
If you do receive a personal Facebook friend request, a polite message explaining that you use Facebook to keep in touch with close friends and family, but would be happy to connect via LinkedIn or other method should suffice. If you are unfortunate to receive a response such as the one I had, then it is only evidence that this person is most certainly not your ideal client and one you will not want to be doing business with.
by Angela Taffs | Jan 18, 2015 | Business Success, Personal and Lifestyle
An alternative way to achieve your goals
Recently I read an article by James Clear which had a light bulb effect on me. All my life I have focused on setting goals and have to say, have achieved the majority of them. But what about the times when I failed to achieve results that I so desperately wanted?
By not achieving them, did this make me a failure? Of course not, but it certainly made me feel that way.
Take the example of losing weight. I set myself a goal to lose one stone within 2 months. The end of the 2 months came and I weighed myself and had lost 10lbs. I was 4lbs short of my goal and therefore deemed myself as having failed.
Now I realise how ridiculous that situation was. I was 10lbs lighter. That was a result! And a successful one at that. I had achieved something and yet felt that I had failed.
So how about not setting goals any more but set about following a system that ultimately will get you to your desired results.
James explains this so well in his article by describing the difference between goals and systems.
- If you’re a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.
- If you’re a runner, your goal is to run a marathon. Your system is your training schedule for the month.
- If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a million dollar business. Your system is your sales and marketing process.
Now stop and think, if you didn’t set a goal but followed a system, would you still achieve results? The probability is that you would.
So instead of me setting a goal to lose one stone, if I set up a system to eat more healthily and exercise more each week, it is inevitable that I would lose the weight. The bonus to this is that I would keep the weight off as the healthy eating and exercise would become a habit, or rather a lifestyle change, to be constantly continued. This can be better than setting a goal which once achieved, the motivation to continue at what you were doing previously instantly diminishes.
The same is true of a runner training for a race. Once the race day has come, the motivation to continue training tends to leave. I once trained for a marathon and after completing it, lost all motivation to run again as I had nothing to aim for that was as challenging.
So start to commit to a system rather than setting yourself a goal.
If you set a goal to start a home business and earn £500 extra each month, the stress of not achieving that figure would increase your stress levels and reduce your happiness, probably to the extent that you would give up after 6 months. If instead, you said you were going to let 3 people each day know about your new business venture, the laws of probability dictates that you would start to slowly but surely gain new customers and build an income that would last for the long term.
So if you are planning on achieving something, try changing your mindset from setting a goal to setting up some systems to take you towards your desired outcome. You might just find it more fun and more easily achievable than you imagined. Give this alternative way of thinking a go and achieve results that may otherwise elude you.
by Angela Taffs | Jan 18, 2015 | Business Success, Personal and Lifestyle
I read a lot. I read motivational, inspirational and self-help books and there is one recurring similarity amongst nearly all the authors. They all seem to have had a particularly traumatic or deprived period in their life.
So does this make the difference between success and failure? I don’t have the answer to that but would love to know the statistics.
From Oprah Winfrey to Suze Orman, Denis Duffield Thomas and on to the likes of Maya Angelou and Louise Hay, they have all suffered terrible times in earlier years only to rise from the ashes and hit the heights of success.
From poverty and rape to teenage pregnancies, mental and physical abuse, these women have suffered in a way I can’t even imagine. So did this make a difference in their determination to succeed?
Do you have to have suffered extreme hardship to gain that desperation to make a different life for yourself? Is it more difficult to come from a secure, happy and comfortable background and make it to the top?
Perhaps the answer is yes.
Maybe, being surrounded by home comforts, and knowing there is someone there to turn to and take care of us if it all goes wrong, gives us such a sense of security that we do not drive ourselves as hard as though who have no one to turn to and nowhere to go if they fail.
I work incredibly hard and very long hours to build my own business, but ultimately, if it all fails, I have a very nice home with a roof over my head and my husband to take care of me. If I was living alone and in danger of losing my home, would I work even harder or find different ways to be 100% sure I made it the success I want it to be? Would that desperation to remove myself from a certain situation drive me all the more harder?
Whether we come from comfortable backgrounds or not, in order to be successful we have to have our internal drive. I am not wholly sure where mine comes from and I didn’t suffer any particularly traumatic period in my life that I can pinpoint, or remember. If I had, would I have already achieved the pinnacle of success I am striving for before now?
As I said before, I don’t have the answers here but it is a thought that has come into my mind more than once.
I would love to know your opinions on this subject. Leave a comment below or pop over to the Facebook page and let me know your thoughts.
With much love
Angie x
